R.I.P. LIST SEASON 2009

It’s a new year now, and all the blogs are coming back from their holiday breaks. Your friendly neighborhood Yetibloggers took a longer break that we left early for, because Blogging Never Sleeps, except when it does because shut up, you! So our coverage of the internet/universe or “interverse” was missing a linchpin of blogging, without which the whole enterprise falls apart: Lists.

As everyone knows, the end of the year is List Season in Blog Land. We all get List Fever and make lists of things that have something to do with our blogs. The specific causes of List Fever remain unknown, but it probably has something to do with taking our world, the chaos and madness of which becomes more apparent with each passing moment, and forcing some order upon it. Or whatever. Anyway List Fever happens.

We at The Yetiblog are no different! We blog, therefore we are (making lists). It’s in The Official Rules of Blogging.

THE OFFICIAL RULES OF BLOGGING

  1. ABL: Always Be Linking to stuff.
  2. Snark?
  3. Make lists  of stuff at year’s end.

Yay, our first list!

This season was great for lists, because on top of being the end of the year, it was also the end of the decade. So there were normal year-end lists and superspecial Decade Edition lists. A lot of them! There were plenty of great ones, and there were even Lists of Lists, and there’s probably a Best Lists of 2009 and a Best Lists: Decade Edition somewhere in Blog Land. I don’t know where they are, I’m not a Listologist (practitioner of the List Sciences). But they’re out there, probably!

ANDY’S FAVORITE LISTS OF 2009

Second list! Just gathering momentum.

After the jump are some more lists, compiled by your friendly neighborhood Yetiblog editor, with some help from the good Listologists at the Institute of Duh:

SEXIEST MONARCHS OF 2009

  • Queen Rania Al Abdullah of Jordan

Like I said, Institute of Duh

(This video was posted in 2008, but I just saw it yesterday, so it averages out to 2009.)

That concludes The Yetiblog’s Sexiest Monarchs list. On to the next one!

SEXIEST MUSIC VIDEOS OF THE DECADE

[Ed. Note– This list does not include some classic sexy videos from hip-hop (Nelly, Petey Pablo,  et al) or techno/electro/”club music”/whatever, you get it (Benny Benassi, Alex Gaudino, the whole Ministry of Sound label really, et al). This is because, I don’t know, I find them boring mostly. Just not my taste in sexy I guess. But they usually have a bunch of scantily clad hot people dancing provocatively and stuff in them, so, you know, honorable mention.]

5. Flight of the Conchords – The Most Beautiful Girl (In The Room)

Whenever I used to hear people say that a sense of humor is an important turn-on, I would laugh at them because, I mean, had they seen Rodney Dangerfield? (All due respect. Sorry.) But then, some years ago, I stumbled across this picture of Dangerfield with his wife. Tune=changed. And so in honor of sexy humor, our list begins with this Flight of the Conchords classic. While not technically a music video, that is pretty much what it is, and I decide what does and doesn’t qualify for my list. It doesn’t hurt that Bret and Jemaine are cuties, or that Sally is beautiful enough to quit her normal job.

4. Beyoncé – Get Me Bodied

My colleagues at the Institute of Duh have informed me that “Single Ladies” is the Beyoncé video best loved by pretty much everyone, and with good reason. My favorite is this one, though. For one thing, the “Single Ladies” video is just a bunch of dancing in high heels, silly/hot unitards, and a stupid robot glove. This one is colorful, has some names of dance moves in it, and is just generally more fun. Also, the chorus of “Single Ladies” sends a horrible message: “If you like it then you should have put a ring on it” is both an intimidating ultimatum that discourages serious emotional involvement in anyone and a claim that marriage is the only legitimate form of long-term romantic affection, which is just a lie. “Get Me Bodied”, on the other hand, is about nothing more than going out with your friends and having a fun night of dancing in the club because it’s your birthday or something. Most importantly though, “Get Me Bodied” is almost twice as long as “Single Ladies”, which means twice as much Beyoncé!

3. Thunderheist – Jerk It

You get it. Of course you do. Or if you don’t, just wait: you’ll get it. Because a-doy. Personally, I had to watch this three or four times before I realized what it was about and why it was sexy, because I am stupid. But even before then I was completely hypnotized by it. Just a great intersection of music, lyrics, images, and euphemisms.

2. Britney Spears – I’m a Slave 4 U

When this video debuted in September 2001, I was a 13 year-old boy. The end.

1. D’Angelo – Untitled (How Does It Feel)

Embedding is disabled on the winner of this list, so to see it you’ll have to click through the link above, in a new window/tab plz so u can keep reading our wonderful lists! That’s probably for the best. I don’t want our faithful readers to suffer too many genital explosions because of lack of warning. Proceed at your own risk. Because yes, this video is that sexy. It’s too much! The song alone is on the shortlist of sexiest sound sequences in the history of recorded music, maybe of sound itself. Then there’s D’Angelo’s face and body to contend with, which speak for themselves. But the best thing about this video is its breathtaking intimacy–that long, single close-up. Best concept for an R&B video ever? Best concept for an R&B video ever. D’Angelo = (Al Green / Marvin Gaye) x Naked + the year 2000. (Metaphorical math is also sexy, but that’s a whole other list.)

MOST RIDICULOUS PRESIDENCY OF THE DECADE

1. George Walker Bush. Two terms. Eight years. For my entire adolescence, this guy was the elected leader of our country.

"I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully."

Speaking of which:

BEST BUSHISMS

5. “I’ve abandoned free market principles to save the free market system.” — Washington, D.C., Dec. 16, 2008

4. “Yesterday, you made note of my — the lack of my talent when it came to dancing. But nevertheless, I want you to know I danced with joy. And no question Liberia has gone through very difficult times.” — speaking with the president of Liberia, Washington, D.C., Oct. 22, 2008

3. “Thank you, your Holiness. Awesome speech.” — to Pope Benedict, Washington, D.C., April 15, 2008

2. “Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?” — Florence, South Carolina; January 11, 2000

1. “I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family.” — Greater Nashua, New Hampshire, January 27, 2000

Of course, this list is incomplete, as all lists of Bushisms will be, forever. There are just too many. But here are some more. Sorry if there’s some redundancy. And here’s a pretty comprehensive list. Goodbye Mr. President! We’ll miss you kind of.

BEST YETI BLOGS OF 2009

2. The Yetiblog – Yay, that’s us! Great job everyone, we did spectacular! I wonder who beat us, though…

1. Yeti Blog – A blog about actual Yetis and Yeti-related subjects. Of course.

Well, that’s it for the Yetiblog’s better-late-than-never List Season coverage. While they had their deep, terrible flaws, 2009 and this whole decade have been sort of great and I for one am happy that ours is such a cool and exciting time. Thank you so much for reading this far, we hope you enjoyed it and will continue reading the Yetiblog!

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