So, here we are, another holiday season, another round of commercials dedicated to hammering into our head that our own families are woefully dysfunctional, and could easily be repaired by buying the crap they’re selling.

Christmas brings the family together (Christmas because it’s usually a white, nondescript family), to gather around a warm bowl of something, or using some service. Thanks for warming our hearts, Ragu!

However, Folgers’ latest offering, far from warming my heart, has instead chilled my bones. Just watch the commercial, and I’ll give you a moment to let it wash over you.

I’ll break the ice and say, yes, I also believe the sister wishes to “bone” (as kids in 1978 would call it) her brother.

Now, I’m sure that on paper, the commercial seemed innocent enough. Brother comes home after a while, sister is happy to see him, warm fuzzies. Fine. But there are some fatal flaws in the execution that take us from Mayberry to Chinatown, after the jump:

  1. The sister is too old. Not as in she’s old and ugly; quite the opposite. They got some nubile 20-year-old in a softball shirt acting all affectionate to him. Look at the brother when she opens the door. It almost looks like that’s the first time the ACTOR has seen her. I’d do the same thing, too, if that was the situation for me, and it would not look brotherly. They cast someone too old for this. Use with a younger sister, and this baggage probably wouldn’t exist.
  2. “You’re my present this year.” This seals it, and again, on paper, this could be construed as very familial and innocent. If it was read, I don’t know, sillier (?), it could feel that way. “Ha ha! Isn’t that goofy?” and she slaps the bow on him. But she has to read it EXACTLY LIKE SHE’S SEDUCING HIM. That’s the voice you use when you have a john at Christmastime who’s paying the higher rate. Hopefully she doesn’t charge extra for kicking you in the junk. Most do.
  3. They both make bedroom eyes at each other. Along with her line reading, Sis also gives him that look, and Bro volleys it right back. In that moment, you see his exact thought: “Now is she really a blood relative? I hope not.”

After all this, thank god Mom and Dad arrive to put a stop to this. They certainly don’t want any three-eyed babies. And, as before, Folgers brings everyone together, and brother and sister get to repress their feelings for each other until they accidentally drink too much Irish coffee on St Patrick’s Day, and Uncle Ronny catches them in the study rounding second base.

Finally, a Christmas ad that makes you feel better about your own family than the one in the commercial! Remember, the best part of waking up is not having your sister come on to you. Thanks, Folgers!


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  1. DS3M Says:

    The Best part of Waking Up is preventing Incest in your Cup!

    Seriously though, she wants to unwrap “her real present” ASAP

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