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[Ed. Note– Hello monsters! Please welcome our staff blogger Erika into your monster clique. She will be recapping Glee for us every week. SPOILER ALERT, duh. Presented is her recap of last week’s show. Season 1, Episode 9: “Wheels”]

Last week: No… Glee… again…

Week before last: Our beloved Gleeks took a field trip to the World Series

Week before the week before last: Music solves everything until Sue gets ditched by her anchorman love and everyone gets slushied.

So! This week:

The Cheerios, sans Quinn, are hard at work on their new jump rope number. The fallen cheering star sits in the bleachers, dejected. Finn asks her what’s wrong and she hands him a bill for $685.

"It's not like finding a job is hard in this economy, you useless poor. Unemployment in Ohio, which is where we are, is only 9.7%, down from its June peak of 11.2%! If only you weren't so stupid and lazy!"

Then, Fobray fans forgive me, she pulls the ultimate bitch and tears Finn’s head off. Because he totally got her knocked up. Oh wait, that was Puck. Sorry, I forget.

She leaves the auditorium, because being off the team sucks. What happened to all that Glee support?

The creepy J-fro guy is interviewing Sue about the Cheerios, specifically, Quinn’s departure. Sue explains why she can’t have a pregnant girl at nationals and then she steals his tape recorder.

"I'm taking your tape recorder, rube."

Meanwhile, Will is trying to convince Figgins to pay for the handicap-accessible bus required to take all the Glee members—Artie included—to sectionals. Once again, Figgins is pleading budgets. Will has to find the money to hire the bus. Sorry Will.

Quinn is still getting doctor’s bills. And she’s still gnawing at Finn. Maybe she needs a new chew toy or something like that to cheer her up.

Will has the new song: “Defying Gravity” from Wicked. Kurt and Rachel are ecstatic, until Kurt finds out that he doesn’t have the chance to sing it. At least not the solo. Mercedes calls for a song suited to her “chocolate thunder.”

In more important news, Will has found the solution to the bus issue. Bake sale! Everyone, was flabbergasted at the school’s lack of funding, and they were quick to sink the holes in Will’s plan. It’s not that people have—in the words of Will—“stopped eating delicious, sugary treats.”

Brittany has something amazing to say about this:

“It’s not that… it’s most of us don’t know how to bake… I find… recipes confusing.”

And according to Finn, everyone is too busy with teen pregnancy. Artie gets put on the spot and he says it doesn’t bother him.

Cue Artie’s first solo song His version of Billy Idol’s “Dancing With Myself” is catchy, hip-swinging, and bouncy. He does some wicked wheelchair tricks down the hallway and we find out that he’s got a crush on Tina, who totally doesn’t notice him. Artie does some more really cool wheelchair tricks on the auditorium stage, where talent stalker Will watches him from behind the curtains.

Kurt asks to audition for the Defying Gravity solo. Will shoots him down and then admonishes the Gleeks for their treatment of Artie. Rachel says they didn’t think he’d take it personally, to which Artie replies, “You’re irritating most of the time, but don’t take that personally.” Good one, Artie.

So, in addition to the bake sale, the AV Club has wheelchairs for the rest of the Glee team  (what?). He also tells them: we’re doing a wheelchair number. Only in Glee.

Finn and Rachel figure out how much it sucks to be Artie in the lunch room and in the hallway. Finn takes some unnecessary hits to the head (seriously, guys, he can’t get much slower than he already is) and Rachel (initial victim of the slushies) becomes the first Gleek to be… mushroom-beef-noodled?


Meanwhile, Quinn and Puck are in the Home Ec room. Puck suavely hands her a whopping eighteen dollars. She hands it back and calls him an egg-head. When he denies this state of being, she fixes it with a literal egg to the head. Note: she looks happier here than she has at any other point in the series. They get into a cupcake ingredient fight and almost into what promised to be the possible beginning of a steamy make-out session when Finn walks in.

Sexy food fights, everyone has them.

“What the hell?” he says. I would have asked a few more questions, Finn.

In other news, Kurt is at his dad’s auto shop being spacey. His dad asks him what the problem is and Kurt spills about not getting to gender-bend the singing roles. At least they don’t have to worry about teen pregnancy. But Kurt’s dad finds this discrimination, despite his son being “as queer as a three dollar bill,” an outrage and goes to Figgins.

Will completely agrees. In the name of gender equality, the Glee club is having a Diva-off on who gets the solo. The judges? The rest of Glee club.

"It's on."

Rachel protests, as expected, and Kurt has everyone promise to vote for the person who sings the song better. Go Kurt. Rachel, as expected, is mad at Will for creating teaching moments that ruin her life. Has she not discovered that the world does not revolve around her? Her dramatic exit is hindered by the wheelchair, she smacks the doorframe on the way out.

Figgins is really happy about handicapping the Glee club. Will tells him about the lack of wheelchair ramps in the school. Sue, who is there for some reason, says they make people lazy. But Figgins has a different idea. Inspired by equal opportunity, he wants Sue to hold open tryouts for the Quinn’s slot in the Cheerios.

At lunch, the ‘cool kids’ are trying to sell cupcakes. Brittany lost her wheelchair and she’s hanging out with Becky, a mentally handicapped girl. [Ed. Note–Seriously, Brittany is so great. The Best.] Quinn manages to turn the lack of cupcake sales into another dig at Finn and his jobless state.

"Brittany's always cheating off her test papers."

On to Cheerio tryouts! Sue is confused, Will is supervising. Mercedes and Kurt try out: both are knocked down. They are followed by a couple on poorly choreographed girls, creepy Jacob, and Spiderman.

The last to be auditioned in Becky, who is trying to jump rope… badly. Sue stops her and the audience braces itself for one of her meanest, kitty-eating comments… that doesn’t happy. Becky is on the squad.


Will feels the audience’s sentiments and immediately starts accusing her of less than noble intentions.

"What are you up to, sneaky person I do not trust?"

Finn and Puck are arguing about Quinn in the hallway, wheelchairs and all. In addition to calling his best friend stupid, Puck takes up on Quinn’s lead and starts getting on Finn’s back about his lack of job and baby money. To take care of a baby that’s not even his. They get into a minor bumper-wheelchair battle that turns into an all out brawl. Will breaks it up. Apparently Puck is just really stressed out about the bake sale.

At practice, Artie is trying to teach the club how to turn around in the wheelchair. Tina and Artie, alone, talk about why Artie is in a wheelchair. While a car accident has disabled his legs, he wants it clear that his penis is not incapacitated. D’oh!

Kurt is still practicing for the Diva-off. At the same time, his dad gets a phone call. The caller says “Your son’s a fag,” and hangs up. Kurt notices how agitated his dad is. Dad relays the phone call to his son and Kurt is left looking kind of guilty.

"Sorry Dad. Sorry for being who I am."

Finn and Rachel are in the rehearsal room and Finn is… fixing her wheelchair? Handyman Finn. Quinn storms in to ruin the fluffy, happy moment. Rachel attempts to flee, but fails because Hurricane Quinn needs a witness. She has a Past Due notice for Finn and hangs the future of their relationship over his head. He is devastated. However! Devious little Rachel has quite the plan.

Big (mind)wheels keep on turnin'

On a happier note, the bake sale is going well. Puck supplied the ‘recipe’ because he thought that the wheelchair bake sale was somehow going to give money to Quinn’s baby-fund. His secret ingredient? Marijuana.

"Just enough to give you a wicked case of the munchies."

Will is watching Sue tear at Becky while she learns to jump rope. He tries to confront her about the way she treats Becky. Sue tells him that he doesn’t know the first thing about her.

The Diva-off begins with Kurt who is… amazing. He is handing Rachel’s ass to her. [Ed. Note: I disagree. The song is in Rachel’s is more in her “belting range” (whatever that is) and her voice sounds way stronger than Kurt’s, whose falsetto I find offputting. Music! Art! Subjectivity!] Speaking of Rachel, we switch to her solo, and then it goes back and forth. They’re both belting it out. Chills. Chills. Chills. And then… Kurt fudges the note. He looks like he’s about to cry.

Looks like he fumbled the money note

Puck approaches Quinn in the hallway with a fistful of money. He then tries to convince Quinn that he’s the better choice. Quinn realizes that he stole the money from the bake sale. Bad Puck. She does the right thing and tells him to put it back. Good Quinn. Finn arrives on the scene and tells Quinn that he has a job and Rachel’s devious plan is revealed. I think the lines actually speak for themselves.

Rachel: Excuse me. Are you the manager?

Unsuspecting Businessman/Prey: Yes?

Rachel: You need to hire my friend Finn. He is clearly handicap able and refusing to hire him could be seen as discrimination. My dads are gay and unless you want the full force of the American Civil Liberties Union coming down on you, I’d work something out.

Bad Rachel. Bad Finn.

"Ain't I a stinker?" --Bugs Bunny

But this is a good thing and Finn even gives Quinn a lift to rehearsal… on his wheelchair. Puck is left alone. Poor Puck.

Thanks to Puck’s secret ingredient, Glee club has raised $1200 for the bus to sectionals. But, in a selfless act, Artie asks his fellow Gleeks if he could give the money to the school so a handicap ramp could be built in the auditorium. No one objects and you get this wonderful feel-good moment.


Sue and her diabolical self just wrote Figgins a check for three new handicap ramps for the school. What?! Will is stumped and suggests that her erratic behavior is caused by a brain tumor.

Then we find out the Sue Sylvester is HUMAN. Jean, her older sister, has Downs Syndrome. I actually chocked up here. I couldn’t tell if it was from the shock or the tender moment.

We know what you're thinking. We're thinking it, too: "AWWW!"

Tina and Artie are on a date in the school hallway. Tina makes a move on Artie and then tells him that her stutter is faked. Artie gets really pissed and leaves her alone.

Kurt reveals that he blew the note on purpose, to lay low and minimize the painful calls for his dad. There’s a really touching father-son moment and I found myself tearing up again.

The show ends with the wheelchair number and Mercedes’ “chocolate thunder”. More chills. Artie, Mercedes, and Tina all have awesome solos. The song? The Creedence Clearwater Revival classic, “Proud Mary”.

"Chocolate thunder" is right.

Next Week: Instead of matching up based on music, the Gleeks will match up based on fate and Rachels gets over Finn to fall in love with… Will?


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